Drinking is pretty much a staple of New York City culture.
If you disagree, you're probably inundated with a very different facet of NYC culture than us-- or maybe you just don't drink. We won't doubt you on that.
We're sure a non-drinking facet of NYC culture really does exist, but most people in NYC drink... at least once in a while, right?
And then we do embarrassing stuff. To what anguish do drunk New Yorkers most often fall victim?
Read on and find out what 9 embarrassing, drunk shenanigans we're most likely to get ourselves into when we've hit the sauce a little too hard.
1. Peeing in someone's bed
We don't really understand the math of drinking a few beers and having to pee for the next seven hours straight, but there must be some magical toxin in alcohol that accelerates urine flow.
We've all gotten a little too drunk and pissed the bed, but what's really mortifying is peeing in someone else's bed.
When this happens, you're never really sure how to react. Should you own up? Apologize? Change his sheets? Or should you slink out of his bed and say nothing?
We can't give you the answer to this question. The best we can do is reassure you that you're not the only New Yorker this has happened to.
2. Dropping your phone in a puddle
You thought you were being so impressive by leaping over a giant puddle in the middle of the road to show off to your friends. And you did clear the puddle by a foot, easily.
The problem is that when you turn around, you see that your cell phone fell out of your pocket mid-leap, and now it's submerged in murky NYC puddle water.
You hardly even want to stick your hand in the puddle to get your phone out. Needless to say, your friends aren't really that impressed.
3. Throwing up in the middle of East Houston Street
Houston Street is probably on the top three worst streets on which you could throw up in NYC... but at least you made it outside, right?
You still feel pretty bad about yourself after puking on Houston because you used to have an unpaid internship here and at that time it represented your sincerest dreams.
Now it represents your alcoholic binging. The severity of this juxtaposition is pretty humiliating.
4. Throwing up anywhere in the bar
Puking in the toilet is definitely the best possible look for puking in any bar ever, but it's definitely preferable to just not puke in the bar at all.
If you can manage to keep it together until you're in the privacy of your own apartment and throw up alone; in your own bathroom, that is the best case scenario for puking.
5. Falling
Gravity seems to really target drunk people. Is there some law in physics where drunk people amass more gravitational pull?
If you fall alone, you're good, but if you fall in front of a group of friends, you can expect to feel pretty embarrassed.
Or maybe not, but the point is once you fall you know you should stop taking shots.
,6. Crying
When you're drunk, your emotions are on full blast.
Your ups are really, really high and your downs are really, really low. So, the fact that the bar you're in doesn't have Brooklyn Lagers is much more depressing than it would be normally.
The Mets losing another game in July shouldn't bring you to tears at any point in your life, but you're really drunk, so breaking down in the middle of the bar is just where you're at right now.
When you recall the absurdity of this moment the next day, you're so ashamed you almost faint. Because there's no crying in baseball, remember?
7. Not getting into the bar
When you're not allowed in the bar because the bouncer thinks you're too drunk, but the rest of your friends get in, it's pretty hard not to feel severely disgraced.
Hopefully, your friends are chill, and they leave the bar with you. But it's probably too late. The damage has already been done.
8. Bruises and hickeys
It's embarrassing to wake up on a Sunday morning with bruises and hickeys all over your body and you don't know where they're from. You couldn't even begin to speculate where they're from.
What could make this scenario worse, though, is when you do know where they're from, and it's bad.
They're either from a very unattractive hook-up or a very stupid drunk endeavor, and you don't want to talk about either.
9. Elbow someone else's beer to the ground
Knocking over someone's beer is bad. Knocking someone's beer so it spills on them clothes is worse.
Worse still is the moment you spill a girl's beer on her dress, and the only thing you can manage is this wordless sort of shrug as if to only say, "Well, sh*t happens."
No, you don't remember that you're an adult, or that you should feel any semblance of shame of remorse. You only remember the drink in your hand and that there's nothing more to do than drink it.
Soak up the booze with 5 Delicious Diners Open 24/7 to Satisfy Your Drunchies in NYC.