So, you’ve just arrived in New York City.

You hop off the Mega Bus that you rolled in on, and a homeless dude promptly spits in your eye (one of the many facets of NYC that makes it the greatest city in the world).

You’re heading toward your insanely overpriced apartment, duffle bag in tow, but you’re not going to take a cab. Hell no!

This is NYC and you already have approximately negative $14 in your bank account because of the vicious price of your sublet, so you’re going to ride the subway.

We're sure you know that you’re heading into treacherous waters, but we've got some advice that’ll help you make it through this harrowing experience.

So here are 5 skills you simply must master in order to survive the NYC subway.

1. Appropriate eye contact

This is basically your first day in prison. I’ve never been to prison, but I did go to an all-boys Catholic high school-- which is essentially the same exact thing.

[anad]

The key is eye contact. Not too much; not too little.

When it comes to eye contact, think of Goldie Locks and the three bears. You want just the right amount.

2. Don’t wake anyone up

I don’t care if you’re in Grand Central Station or rolling through the Bronx; don’t wake anyone up.

If someone is asleep on the subway or in the station it is because they want to be asleep. You’re not a knight in shining armor. You’re not going to save the world on your first subway ride.

So, just keep your head down and don’t be annoying.

3. Ignore people

This is one of the staples of being a true New Yorker.

You’ve got to be able to ignore the dude sitting next to you who stinks like an attic filled with dirty diapers.

New Yorkers are the best in the world at ignoring each other. Londoners are a close second, but they pale in comparison with the ignoring skills of New Yorkers.

4. Pretend you're at Disney World 

The monorail in Disney World is awesome, and it’s actually very similar to the NYC subway except it’s not underground and there are way less pickpockets and crackheads.

So, pretend like you're there, and know that it'll all be over soon.

5. Don't get stabbed

Pretty self-explanatory, right?

6. Don't bring your lacrosse stick (or any large, annoying objects for that matter-- unless you absolutely have to)

I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone. But, the first time that someone says, “you can’t bring swords on the subway;” you’ll wish you were back home.

[anad2]

P.S. And anyone who has taken a train through Camden, New Jersey knows that the NYC subway is actually pretty chill in comparison. So just take a deep breathe and relax. You gon' make it.

Well-versed in subway survival skills? Check out 9 Annoying Times You Were Totally Over This City.