Closed Quarters: 8 Types of Roommates You'll Inevitably Wind Up Having in NYC

Subscribe to spoiled NYC's official newsletter, The Stoop, for the best news, eats, drinks, places to go, and things to do.

Not many people can afford to live alone in New York City.

Unless you’re an heiress. Or loaded. Then, I guess you can solo-- but then this article doesn’t really apply to you, right?

But those of us with relatively normal bank accounts are going to be shacking up with friends from college, a rando from Craigslist, or a third degree connection friend.

Whomever you wind up living with, you’re likely to notice some trends. Here are 8 types of roommates you'll inevitably wind up having if you live in NYC.

How many can you cross off the list?

1. The roommate who’s your best friend


Well, this one’s just the best isn’t it? And living together makes it even better.

You never have to make plans to hang out – all you have to do to hang out is go home.

Sometimes you come home on a Saturday afternoon to an apartment full of your friends. Ordering pizza just got so much more fun, especially when you and your best friend get stoked about buffalo chicken pizza together.

While your best friend is blasting music in her shower, you can creep outside the bathroom door and listen to her sing.

You can walk to the subway together, laughing and talking all the while.

And then, yes, you will be those two annoying girls on the subway who just won’t shut up. No, we’re not sorry.

2. The roommate who cooks for you


This isn’t as fun as having a roommate who’s your best friend, but still. This is almost the best item on the list.

Having someone who lives with you and tends to your most primal needs is key. Even if the tacos she makes you are a bit too spicy (did she really need to put that much cayenne pepper in there?)

Nah, I’m just kidding.

You can’t complain about how spicy the tacos are. If she’s going to be willing to make you tacos, you can’t really get bummed out when you’re sweating and your nose is running. You sort of just have to be grateful about the tacos.

3. The roommate who writes passive aggressive notes 

[via reddit]
[via reddit]

So you accidentally left one coffee cup in the sink. Does that really merit your roommate sending a text saying “Hey guys, let’s not leave stuff in the sink?”

Like... was it really that big of a deal? Did it really affect her day that much that she felt the need to send a passive aggressive text? Is it possible that maybe she could have just washed the mug in the moments it took her to send that text? Would that maybe have taken the same amount of time?

Here’s the real question. Which one makes you look cooler, ignoring her text, or sending a passive aggressive text back, like something to the tune of “I’m sorry that upset you so much?”

The answer is usually always ignoring her text, that will make you look unequivocally cooler than saying something passive aggressive back, but sometimes resisting the temptation is just too hard.

4. The roommate who loves sex


Because ... NYC. Because ... thin walls.

so yes, I can hear you and your boyfriend f*cking, and hate to break it to you, but your moans are too loud to be real. So I know you’re faking.

Also, it would definitely be better if I could have friends over to chill and hang out in the living room without them hearing your moans. It makes everyone feel awkward.

And I can rush to put my music on loudly, but could you just do that from the beginning and save everyone a lot of strife for everyone involved?

And, just saying, when you walk out of your room after we’ve all just heard your sounds, and you’re with a guy who’s definitely not your boyfriend ...

What would be an ideal way for me to react to this situation? Am I supposed to come clean and say I heard you banging? No thanks. I hate confrontation.