Okay, class. Today we will be starting with a simple mathematical equation:
X = Technologically Advanced World x The Fastest Moving City on the Planet / Sex Drive
What is the value of X? No need to look in the back of the book for the answer, we'll just give it to you. X = Infinity.
Now let's explain how we arrived at that number: When you have two variables that move as rapidly as technology and New York City, and then factor in the city's very tech savvy -- and, ahem, very randy -- residents, it's really no wonder dating apps have set the standard for courting bedding new people.
Bottom line is, it's incalculable. New Yorkers want things (read: sex). They want them now. And dammit, they'll get them now. You know why? Because they can.
This fact is why apps like Tinder hardly have the market cornered anymore when it comes to putting sex quite literally at your fingertips.
There are apps out there not even specifically created for getting laid that-- shocker!-- are being used for getting laid. Lucky for you, we've rounded up the best 5.
Hotels By Day is bidding farewell to when you couldn't even check-in for your hotel stay until a certain time with its sultry new service: daytime-only hotel stays.
You heard that correctly. Next time you're caught up in the moment, or you just feel like classing things up a bit, you can whip out this app and it will geolocate which rooms are closest to you; then, you can book just long enough for an impromptu tryst in the daylight hours.
Sure, the app positions itself more as a "day-cation" service, but their slogan is: "Experience a great hotel by day without paying for the night stay."
If that isn't code for an afternoon delight, I don't know what is.
2. LinkedIn
Before you say anything, let me just directly quote a LinkedIn message I recently received: "I like your resume, and I'm not talking about your work experience [winky face]."
Despite his hilarious pun, I was completely blown away-- this is a professional environment! Turns out, that's not always the case; after discussing it with others, apparently "LinkedIn is the new Match.com."
And here's what's weirder, I actually get it. Success and power are both major aphrodisiacs, especially in New York-- a city where the first thing we ask is, "So, what do you do?"
New Yorkers are always looking for the next strategic move, so of course this app is a hot bed for not just scoring a job opportunity.
For all you know, your next internship can lead you right into the Red Room of Pain... am I right, Mr. Grey?
3. HouseTab
The real genius of this app lies in the fact it combines possibly two of the biggest components that exist for getting laid: convenience and alcohol.
HouseTab allows you to pay your bar tab on your phone, meaning when you and "whatever their name is" start to make out in the back corner, you don't need to bother with closing your tab; this app will close for you. So just walk out the door, and preferably to the closest room.
It also let's you scope out who's at the bars and send drinks right through the damn thing. Remember the old days when a guy would mosey up to a gal and be like, "Hey there little lady, can I buy you a drink?"
Well, it's like that except without the weird exchange (or really even having to physically be there!)-- just getting the drink, and then getting laid.
Ahhhh, technology.
,4. Seamless
We already know Seamless is one of the best and most convenient apps in the game-- and truthfully -- I'm surprised it isn't used more as an effective seduction tactic.
How long have we heard that age-old saying, "The way to a person's heart is through their stomach."
PSA: It's not just their heart. If someone randomly sent me a Saratoga Club from Parm, I would have sex with them. No doubt about that.
Can you imagine if Seamless added some sort of geo-locator into their system, so you can find out when people arrive home?
Wait, did I just come up with the best idea ever? Seamless, hit me up. Let's do this.
5. Hinge
Someone once described this app to me as the "Classy Tinder," which is maybe the best oxymoron of all time.
Unlike the aforementioned four, this one's actually for "dating;" still, it's more the digital version of "setting up a friend" since that's how it matches you-- through mutual Facebook friends.
A far cry from Tinder, which thankfully tries to keep the potential matches as covert as possible.
This helps you get laid for one reason, and one reason only: obligation.
In other words, you will feel obligated to meet whoever asks you out because he/she is "friends with your buddy, Chris."
When you do meet up, you'll get likely throw a few back while telling stories about what a loser Chris used to be.
And then drunkenly bang over your newfound bond.
If you enjoyed this article, check out the 8 Must-Have Apps New Yorkers Should Download Right Now!