There are many types of people riding the New York City subway system. Like, millions.
However, not all of those types made this list: you have the basic bitch, who's usually complaining loudly about the quality of her latest pedicure. She didn't make this list.
Then you have the showtime dudes who freak everyone out because everyone's worried about getting kicked in the head. These dudes didn't make this list, either.
Want to find out who did? Read on. Here are 10 types of New Yorkers you'll totally encounter on the NYC subway.
1. That PDA couple
Could you wait until you’re in the privacy of your own apartments to squeeze her inner thigh? Or do you think it’d be possible to wait until you’re at least gone from public transportation before you fondle your boyfriend?
Everyone knows this couple. This couple needs the entire subway to know that their libidos are extremely satiated, and trust me, we know. I’m pretty bitter about this couple, mostly because I haven’t gotten it in a while.
There was one time, though, that two really hot lesbians were this couple, they were touching each other’s hair and necks and butts. In that case, I appreciated it. Hell yes, lesbians.
[anad]
2. That hot guy reading
hotdudesreading This guy definitely has the style rules down, and judging by that book, it looks like he's moving on to grammar. Between You and Me, he could mix up there, they're and their as long as he's down to kiss me here, here and here. #HereThereAnywhere #hotdudesreading
Have you seen Hot Dudes Reading Instagram? Yeah. It turns me on too. Like really, I just went to that website and... I’m having a hard time keeping my sh*t together. But anyway, that page exists for a reason.
Not only are there tons of sexy guys in NYC, they’re sexy guys who read. I know, don’t even get me started. I’m already super turned on.
This guy is wearing a button up shirt that his bulging biceps and pecs push up against, he’s got his hair gelled into a side part, and he’s wearing a pair of khakis that make his butt look fine.
And, he’s reading. Which is the sexiest part of all.
3. That girl who’s a model
She’s tall, she’s lean, she’s gorgeous. She’s wearing tight leather pants, heels, and a fur vest.
She’s definitely on the way to some sort of photoshoot right now, or some sort of commercial filming session, or... something more glamorous than where you’re going.
Well, you’re on your way to the dentist, so almost anything would be more glamorous than that. Don’t try to befriend this girl, it won’t work. Trust me.
4. That tourist family
![[via tumblr]](/2015/03/3tourist-1024x727.jpg)
Maybe they’re from Idaho, and therefore way too friendly. They think it’s socially appropriate to strike up a conversation with you lamenting the fact that the E train is running express from 59th street to 125th street, totally breaching upon your urban solitude.
Or maybe they’re from Egypt and you get to eavesdrop on their Arabic, listen to their adorable children’s command of the Arabic language far surpass yours, despite your many years of studying Arabic in school.
Either way, this type of NYC traveler isn’t too bad. They’re actually pretty cool, except when they try to chat with you. That’s a hard no.
[anad2]
5. That indignant old white man
This guy’s the worst. He huffs and puffs, roles his eyes at you, spreads his legs out super wide on the seat in a primal gesture of displaying his genitals to assert his dominance.
He’s probably upset about civil rights and women’s suffrage, it took all the power out of his selfish little hands.
I’m not sure why, but you’re super innocent conversation with your roommate about what you’re going to have for dinner is very irking for him. He’s already rolled his eyes thirty times.
,6. That guy who’d love for you to know all about Jesus
And yes, he is going to spend your entire forty-minute commute screaming verses from the Bible, all pertaining to your eternal damnation.
Nope, don’t even sit there praying he’ll stop soon. He won’t stop. He’s determined to save your soul, which is sort of cute... in a way.
If he had any idea about the kind of sh*t you get up to on the weekends, he probably would have given up saving your soul a really, really long time ago.
[anad]
7. That person from your past
Oh, sitting across from you on the 6 train, completely out of context, is a girl you went to summer camp with? Great. She’s got a giant diamond on her finger and she’s carrying lots of shopping bags.
Why’d you think she was so cool again? Oh, because she was older and pretty. Typical.
You small talk for a second, and then a seat opens up across from you and she snags it. You spend the next half hour avoiding eye contact and suffering through an existential crisis about the passing of time and perceptive memory.
8. That awkward date
They shouldn’t have met up before they went out. They should have met at the restaurant.
That way, they wouldn’t be exhibiting such awkward body language, and better yet, you wouldn't have to witness it.
You wouldn’t have to cringe while she talks about how much she loves her cat, while he sweats and rubs the back of his neck. Hate to break it to you, but she’s totally out of your league, dude.
9. That awkward eye contact guy
No, I’m not the girl you matched with on Hinge. Stop staring at me. Stop raising your eyebrows at me. Please stop winking at me.
Okay, maybe I am the girl you matched with on Hinge this morning, but now that I’ve taken a glimpse of you in person, I’m definitely going to un-match you once I get cell phone reception. .
[anad2]
10. Your soulmate
Is that gorgeous girl sitting across from you, nodding and whispering to her friend in your direction, is she ... she can’t be... she is talking about you!
She loves you back, she wants to marry you for sure.
Except, you’re probably just not properly discerning the situation. She’s probably not even looking at you. You’ll probably never know, because you’re definitely too shy to make conversation with this girl.
Do yourself a favor and get off at your stop without ever looking back.
If you enjoyed this article, check out 11 Basic Steps to Picking Up Someone On the NYC Subway!