In this millennial climate, lots of people aren’t looking to date. They just want to hookup.
Asking “Hey, what are we?” too soon is definitely not a good look.
No matter what your hookup says, actions speak louder than words. So how can you weed out the bullsh*tters and decipher which hookups are for real? If you're on the fence, here are 7 signs your hookup is a poser.
1. Doesn’t want to cuddle
So you’ve done the deed; you gripped each other’s hips and pressed skin against sweaty skin. Congratulations.
But what happens when he falls soft, and you extricate yourselves from each other’s grasps? Do you hold each other for a few seconds of recovery cuddle? No?
Smells a little stinky to me.
[anad]
2. Introductions
Does he introduce you to his friends? Great. That's is a phenomenal sign. Do you like them? Even better. It means he has good taste.
Don’t panic if this doesn’t happen straightaway; it’s much better to build a solid, intimate rapport with each other before either one of you brings the other one into your social circle.
Have you been hooking up consistently for three weeks or more, and he still doesn’t bring you around his friends? Well, that's is a bad sign. Maybe he’s afraid one of his friends will let on about the other unknowing hookups he’s bullshitting.
3. Sleepovers
Come on ... think about it. Your bed is totally your most intimate, personal space. Whenever I get it on with someone I don’t care about, I am counting the minutes until I can throw them out of my bed.
The reverse is also true: when I’m into someone, I want to sleep with them. I want to count their breaths and hear their snores and watch their chest rise and fall.
I also want to wake up next to them and have do it again in the morning.
If either one of you is reluctant to spend the night, it reeks of emotional distance...
And of course, bullsh*t.
,4. Skewed climax-o-meter
There are several levels of a climax. The most desirable of course is the elusive, the rare, the effervescent, and hardly-seen mutual. I’ve never had one and if you have, please email me, explain your five-year-plan, and become my friend. I want to strap myself to your star.
Ladies, if he makes no attempt to get you finished, get out of there. Unless you really like him. Then you can attempt to explain to him that your pleasure matters too, and see if he shapes up. If he doesn’t, well then get the F out of there.
The truth of the matter is that a climax denote comfort, ease, and sexual chemistry. If it's missing for you both, there’s a problem.
And it might be BS.
If he brings you around his friends, it means he’s proud to have you on his arm. If he doesn’t, he either has no friends, or doesn’t want to show you off.
Regardless, both options are bad. Extremely bad.
[anad]
5. Meals
Do you eat together? Excellent. Getting excited about eating together is definitely my second favorite way to bond with another human, besides sex of course.
But even eating together has levels.
Do you order Seamless and chomp on pizza in his apartment? That’s level one. Do you slurp Two-Buck Chuck and hot and sour soup at a BYOB on St. Mark's Place? Great, that’s the next level. Or, and this is the best level, he brings you to L&W Oysters... and pays.
All of these are good signs, to varying degrees. If he doesn’t eat with you, he’s either anorexic or not interested in dating you.
Again, extremely bad.
6. Post-sex texts
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Does he text to see if you got home safely? You’re in... for now.
Does he not? Never fear. Give it a 48-hour period. If you don’t hear from him in three days... he’s probably bullsh*tting you.
If the urge should strike you to text him before he texts you, you should do so. But do not indulge yourself in hope if you don’t hear from him. If he misses you, he’ll text you, and if he doesn’t...
He’s bullsh*tting you.
[anad2]
7. Kisses
Does he kiss you right when you get into his apartment?
Does he run out to the elevator to kiss you when you leave? Does he kiss you in public? On the subway? Does he insist on walking you places because parting with you hurts too badly?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, he wants to put a ring on it (I’m quoting Beyoncé colloquially, not literally). If not, send him to the left.
Because you can have another him in a minute.
If you enjoyed this article, check out 7 NYC Landmarks Where You Can Hookup Without Getting Caught!