Smells Like Bullsh*t: 5 White Lies That All Late New Yorkers Tell

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As a child, I was always late. I literally could not make it anywhere on time.

Unfortunately, I earned myself a reputation in the family that I’ve yet to shake off in adulthood. In my high school yearbook, my math teacher wrote, “You always came late, but I’m glad you came!”

Being late was never something I did intentionally or maliciously and I always felt guilty about it. Rather than owning up to this negative attribute, I always made a bunch of excuses to make it seem like it wasn’t my fault.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed the same lies I used to tell are universal amongst those who have trouble making it places on time-- especially in New York City.


“I just left”


People who are consistently late say they’ve “just left” their previous destination while in reality, they are still in the process of getting ready to go.

If they are home, they may be getting dressed, brushing their teeth, making coffee, putting on make-up, or packing their bag for the day. All of those activities must be completed prior to them leaving their apartments, but they won’t tell you that!

Common phrases: “I just got to the subway.” “I’m getting in the elevator.” “I just walked out of my apartment.”

“The train was delayed”


People who are always late will claim that public transportation is delayed or they are caught in traffic.

Truthfully, they just didn’t leave themselves enough time to get to their destination. The MTA already gets a bad rap, but the consistently late excuse makes them look even more unreliable than they already are.

Common Phrases: “I’m still waiting for the subway! UGH the N train is soooo unreliable.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” “The bus never came so now I have to walk now.”

“My alarm didn’t go off”


People who are late to morning commitments frequently blame their alarm clock. In actuality, their alarm went off about 15 times-- but they just kept pressing the snooze button. We all know that everyone in 2015 uses the alarm on his or her smartphone for good measure.

Common Phrases: “I don’t understand why my alarm didn’t go off!” “My alarm failed me!” “My alarm clock broke!”

“There were slow-walking tourists in my way!”


In certain areas of the city such as Times Square, this is probably true.

However, if a New Yorker is going to be traveling in an area with a high volume of tourists, he or she should account for the people taking selfies in the middle of the block. Consistently late people will act like this is a total shocker.

Common Phrases: “Tourists are SO annoying!” “Why can’t they just learn to walk?” “I couldn’t get around them!”

“It won’t happen again”


People who are always late typically do have the best of intentions.

They’ll feel guilty about keeping people waiting and show remorse. Often, they’ll apologize for their actions and genuinely claim that they won’t do it again.

This, however, is not true. It will happen again, and they will blame the MTA, tourists, and their alarm clock... time and time again.

Common Phrases: “I'm so sorry, it won't happen again!” “That is the last time you'll have to put up with my lateness.” “This is something I need to change about myself.”

If you enjoyed this article, check out the 13 Struggles Only Constantly Late New Yorkers Understand!

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