There comes a time when every New York City party girl must turn in her favorite pair of stiletto heels, hang up her bandage dress, and peel off the fake eyelashes.
A conscious decision may not necessarily be made, but there does come a point when life no longer revolves around champagne, cocaine, cigarettes, after hours.
You see, there comes a point where your life starts to revolve around 2 p.m. weekend brunches instead. Here are 16 other realizations every ex-NYC party girl has... eventually.
1. You look forward to spending your Friday and Saturday nights in front of the TV
And by that, I obviously mean ploughing through a season of House Of Cards on Netflix.
2. You shudder at the thought of Marquee and 1Oak
How were these ever your old stomping grounds?!
3. People who you thought you were friends have vanished off the face of the earth
4. You don't miss twerking on the tables at Lavo
Ratchet girls, everywhere.
5. Brunch is all about your closest friends (or dates)
It's crazy, right? Now you can actually hear what the person across from you is saying.
6. Not sleeping until 1 p.m. feels wondrous
Early bird catches the worm and all that.
7. Consistently waking up without a raging hangover looks and feels beautiful
And you look fresh-faced and fabulous, just like Bey.
8. The feeling in your feet is back forever
10 hours in heels 4 times a week have officially destroyed those toots.
9. Spending your money on apartment improvements (instead of dresses) makes you feel like an adult
FOMO turns to JOMO. Ex-party girls have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and even bought the store.
10. Not doing drugs or smoking cigarettes make you feel like a new human being
This saves you so much more money than one can ever imagine.
11. Subway rides home at 8 a.m. on a Wednesday (in last night's outfit) have blissfully become a thing of the past
How did you do this every week!?!
12. You start to use Google to find under-the-radar restaurants
Because there's a lot more out there than the scene-y restaurants you've been hanging out at.
13. You realize just how great an 8 hour sleep-- sober-- can be
Admit it, not waking up four times dehydrated as fu*k, looking like Tuna the dog, is glorious.
14. You realize how much fun happy hours really are
Cheap and early, just the way you like it nowadays!
15. Saving huge amounts of money on those drunken cab fares feels incredible
Because we all turn into millionaires when we're 3 drinks in.
16. Saving soooo much money on laundry-- because your clothes don't reek of cigarettes and sweat-- has never felt so right
If you enjoyed this article, check out Party Girls: When the Convo Moves From the Dance Floor to the Bathroom!