Ever had a one night stand in New York City? They're pretty prevalent, especially among millennials.
We all like going to the bar, getting a lil' buzzed, and gettin' it in. Isn't that what all the alcohol is for in the first place?
If you want to know the 11 awkward stages of one night stands in NYC, read on-- you crazy party pioneer you. If you didn't want to know the 11 stages of a one night stand, then why'd you click on this to begin with?
1. Get messed up
How do you like to party before you go out?
Whether you prepare for the bar with a pre-game at your friends' apartments, with shots or casual beers, with a good ol' fashioned drinking game (or the lack thereof), or whether you like smoking joints, bowls, blunts, or bongs, utilize your preferred method of getting wasted.
You’ll need it for the subsequent steps, I promise you.
2. Get to the bar
Take a cab, take a subway, take an Uber, or walk. It doesn’t matter how, just get to the bar (or the club ... if you’re into that sort of thing).
Once you’ve arrived at 13th Step, or The Barking Dog, or The Stumble Inn, or Fiddlesticks, or wherever you like to party, get rid of your coat and get your hands on a drink. Settle in for a night of prowling. And then start scanning the crowd.
3. Dance your a$$ off
Chill out with your friends before choosing your target. Chilling out for an hour or so is better for both having fun and getting noticed. And remember, you’re a thousand times more attractive if you look like you’re having fun, so... why not actually have fun?
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget you didn’t just come to the bar to get laid. You came to have a ballin' time with your pals, if you get laid as an afterthought, great! If not, at least you still had an all-star night. You memorized that Nicki Minaj chorus for a reason, now use it.
Jam out with your glam out. Don’t dance like no one’s watching-- dance like everyone’s watching and having trouble breathing because of how hot you are.
4. Spot the object of your desire
Is it the dude in the baseball cap by the bar? The hottie in glasses who probably deals in thermodynamics daily? What about the one wearing the suit, chuggin' a gin and tonic like he’s the man of your dreams?
It’s a crowded city, so your options are probably limitless. Whoever you pick, remember that confidence is key. Your choice is never set in stone-- there are lots of dudes at this bar and you can change your mind at any point.
5. Make your move
If the man of your choice is standing by the bar, things just got a lot easier. My personal favorite method of “making your move” is quite simple. Lean up right next to him at the bar to order your drink. The conversation will likely start quite organically.
If he’s not standing at the bar, this step gets a bit more difficult. You can head to the bathroom and walk right past him, and if the situation allows, make some sort of comment. This comment is ideally very suave-- saying something about superheroes, Harry Potter, or shots of whiskey usually works for me.
You could also make a panicky inquisition about whether he’s leaving yet, but... that’s probably not the best look.
,6. Dance Some More
Now that you’ve snagged your dude, it’s time to see what he can do on the dance floor. This is usually a foolproof test for how he’ll be in bed.
If he’s into twirling you and dipping you, he'll probably be all about your pleasure. If he just wants to stand there while you grind on him, then your sex will probably be exactly that: him lying there while you grind on him. No thanks.
7. Drink some more
By this point, you should have been downing a steady flow of beers throughout the night, so you're probably feeling pretty good right about now.
The night is nearing the dawn. Drinking is a wonderful way to bring two humans together. That’s why we all do it so much.
Buy him a shot, let him buy you a shot, play a drinking game where you have to take a shot and tell a secret, play a game where you both have to chug until your drinks are gone. Alcohol is a blessing, and it wants you to get laid.
8. Make your exit
Use language to your advantage. Ask him if he “wants to smoke,” or whether he “wants you to make mac and cheese,” or if he “wants to watch a show.”
These are all code, and everyone who’s anyone knows that no one actually wants to watch a show at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night. Either way, coming up with some sort of masked exit is usually a baller strategy. Or you could just ask him if he wants to get it on.
That’ll probably work too.
9. Seek out your apartment
If you have the funds, you should probably just cab it at this point. There’s always the high likelihood that he’ll pay, and if not, at least you’ll get to sleep in your own bed.
I usually insist on my own bed during this step, my only exceptions being: A) him living way closer to the bar than I do, or B) him being so gorgeous/sexy/cute/smart that I’m willing to do whatever he wants.
If you’re located very conveniently near a subway that leads to your apartment, then whatever. Take the subway. Nothing’s awkward when you’re wasted, not even a subway in the dead of the night.
10. The actual sex
This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. And no, it’s not as awesome as you hoped.
It almost never is. If you banged him three more times, the sex might be awesome. You’d build tension, attraction, and you’d start to figure out what each other likes. But his purpose is not for future bang seshes.
His purpose is now, this one night stand, and you’ve got to make the best of it. Remember, you’ll never see him again. So you should have no qualms about asking him to spank you.
11. Get him out of your apartment... or not
This is a one-night stand, remember? No exchanging cell phone numbers, no letting him sleep over. Seriously.
Actually, you can let him sleep over if and only if he gave you an orgasm, or at least put forth a solid effort. That way, you’ll get to have dope morning sex (everyone loves morning sex).
If the sex was bad, though, get him out of there. It’s a huge city. Thankfully, you’ll never have to see him again.
If you enjoyed this article, check out 7 Dead Giveaways Your Hookup Is Bullsh*tting You!