Just dipping your feet into the NYC dating pool? Cool.
There are some things which you should familiarize yourself with, so you’re not slammed in the face with a big bucket of surprise as your date shows up to your apartment with a bottle of whiskey rather than roses.
Or the moment you realize getting a second date starts to seem impossible.
Or how about when you run into your ex on a Thursday night at Penny Farthing? Yeah. We feel your pain.
So without further adieu, here are 10 ugly facts everyone who’s dating in NYC need to know. And sooner rather than later.
1. Not everyone is looking for love
They might think they are, but a lot of people have up these things called emotional walls. Also, plenty of people are only interested in one-night stands. Plenty of people are also only interested in making out at the bar-- nothing more. They might get upset if you persistently call and text because you thought your make-out encounter was something special. Which, to you, it might have been. #BeenThere.
2. Dates might just want sex
3. Meeting someone is difficult
With 8.4 million people living in this city (and counting), meeting someone is harder than I expected when I envisioned my perfect, love-filled life in NYC.
See, I imagined that I would be a famous author with several published books and a perfect, love-filled relationship. I don’t have a published book nor am I in a relationship right now, but so far I have written a book and been dumped in a nearly-perfect relationship.
There’s always the “there are so many people here so I’m bound to meet someone next weekend” attitude, but that attitude gets kinda tiring after dozens of weekends in a row with hoards of new faces.
4. Dating sites are not trashy
Were they ever trashy? Apparently, some people associate dating sites with shame. Why though? The reason is beyond me, but just for any naysayers who persist on feeling ashamed of their stints on various dating sites, it is no longer trashy.
Some of the classiest girls I know are now getting married, that’s right married to guys they met on Tinder.
Also, everyone knows Hinge is much classier than Tinder these days, so... why don’t you try that?
5. People are not that into leaving Manhattan
If you matched with someone on Hinge who lives on Long Island, it may get awkward pretty quickly once you reveal that you have no desire nor impetus to ever leave Manhattan.
If you live in Queens or Brooklyn, and your date is willing to travel to these boroughs to see you, he or she is probably a keeper.
I know, it’s depressing that our standards have sunk so low that suddenly being willing to travel for a half hour on the subway has become the epitome of chivalry.
,6. Second dates are insanely rare
If first dates are three-leaf-clovers, abundant, replaceable, growing in numbers and reaching toward the sun, then second dates are four-leave-clovers. They are much rarer, much easier to find, and makes you want to pluck and keep them.
While dating in NYC, you will go on dozens of first dates, maybe even one hundred of them.
Once you hit the realm of second date though, everything is different. Once you’ve scored that second date, you’ve overcome some impenetrable, unspoken barrier, and you’re basically coasting toward love.
7. Maybe there are too many options?
Which is another reason getting a second date is so hard.
With so many people, so many glamorous people, it’s almost too easy to dismiss someone after the first date with the “well, there are literally millions more fish in the sea” attitude.
We all have a case of dating A.D.D. and need some dating Adderall every once in a while, which to my knowledge the pharmaceutical companies have not yet manufactured.
8. You’re more likely to get a bottle of alcohol than a bouquet of flowers
Which means you’re more likely to get a date that just wants to bang than a date who wants to hold hands, look at the stars, and talk about your childhoods.
Oh, that’s right. You can’t see the stars in NYC anyway.
9. You will run into your ex
Thought this city was too huge to run into anyone? Sadly, that's just not the case. And this will happen when you’re least aware.
That’s right, you might be covered in scabies cream and expecting to have an extremely low-key, zero exposure evening, and there your ex will be, slurping a jack-and-coke with his arm around a girl who’s way less hot than you. And you’re going to have to casually say hello.
You will also run into everyone else in NYC that you never wanted to see again.
Never assume this city is too big to see anyone-- because that’s just not true.
10. Meeting new people is easy
Here is an optimistic end to a mostly pessimistic article. You could meet someone lovely this day, this hour, if you really want to. All you really need to do is say hello. Or not.
You are constantly thrust into the presence of so many hundreds of people, so there has to be one with whom you can connect. Reading next to someone on the subway? Say hello. You have nothing to lose.
Also, do what you enjoy doing. Go to yoga, go to poetry readings, or do whatever you like. Those are just two things I like. And you’re super likely to meet someone you like if you’re doing something you like.
If you enjoyed this article, check out The Good, the Bad and the Fugly of Online Dating in NYC!