Sooooooo, you hit the Midnight Moon Moonshine a little too hard last night. It happens. But now you’ve got morning after problems, like exactly where did you leave your credit card? And how do you get Artichoke Pizza grease stains out of satin sheets?
Oh wait, and you have a hangover too?
Ain’t nobody got time for that. That’s why our friends over at Headlines & Heroes rounded up 5 tried-and-true hangover fixes to cure what ale’d you… or vodka’d you… or tequila’d you last night.
1. The Hangover Cures Cookbook
We’re no rocket scientists, but it does occur to us that the best way to cure a hangover is not to get one in the first place. Sadly, there’s no fun in that, so instead we strongly recommending getting your hands on the Hangover Cures Cookbook.
It’s chock full of recipes to help alleviate the pain, from booze-laden drinks like the Corpse Reviver, or more healthy options, like the Liver Recovery, which can replace the lost nutrients you so desperately, desperately, desperately need. Help is on the way.
2. Bytox Hangover Patch
It’s a safe bet that when your squad asks you to meet them for a round at McSorley’s, you’re bound to stay for a least five rounds. One might say this is because you lack what is known as self-control, but we’re really going to have to blame this one on McSorley’s, since they always serve you two drinks at a time there.
So after a night of blatant (and somewhat forced) double-fisting, slap on a Bytox Hangover Patch to keep the splitting headache and nausea at bay. The specially formulated vitamin patch replenishes the vital levels of vitamins and nutrients your body loses when you consume alcohol.
While it doesn’t prevent you from getting completely smashed, it does reduce the physical side effects you feel the morning after, which is good enough for us.
3. Hey Joe Coffee Mug
It’s a scientific fact that that a coffee and an IV can cure a hangover in mere minutes. But you can’t check into Beth Israel, because the wait time in the emergency room is much, much longer than the lunch line at Chipotle. So the coffee will have to suffice.
Luckily, brewing a cup of java in the Hey Joe Coffee Mug doesn’t exert much energy, of which you have precious, precious little. This travel-sized savior isn’t just a mug— it brews coffee right inside of itself, and it’ll keep it at the perfect temperature for as long as you tell it to, even a four-hour wait time in the ER... should it come to that.
4. Breakfast Sandwich Maker
Normally, your breakfast sandwich maker is named Phyllis (A.K.A., the lovely lady slinging the hash browns at McDonald’s). But what about those days when you’re waiting for your Bytox Hangover Patch to kick in, and you just can’t bring yourself to walk three long blocks to the Golden Arches?
You best bust out your Hamilton Beach 25475 Breakfast Sandwich Maker, because Moses knows you need the carbs and the grease, right quick.
Ready in just five minutes, this little wonder has a compartment that can cook an egg, two more compartments to toast the top and bottom halves of an English muffin, biscuit or small bagel, and another spot to cook meat, veggies, or whatever else you want to stuff your face with.
Breakfast is served, hold the hangover.
5. McClure’s Spicy Bloody Mary Mix
McClure’s, known for their sinfully delicious pickles, have pulled out all the stops to deliver the tomato-ey, spicy, goodness you need to fix yourself the perfect Bloody Mary. It all starts with— you guessed it— their very own spicy pickle brine, plus tomato paste, fresh pressed cucumber juice and other fresh ingredients. Just add vodka and slurp it up.
If you enjoyed this article, check out the 6 Essentials You Immediately Check for After a Wild Night in NYC!