There are a lot of people in New York City who want your money.
Some people get your money in perfectly acceptable ways, like selling a product and getting you to buy it.
Other people get your money in absolutely absurd ways, like charging a surcharge on an ATM and then forcing you to pay them to get your own money. Yeah, I know, ridiculous.
And then there are people who stand on the side of the street and beg for your money, which isn't really fun for anyone. So here they are: 10 types of solicitors you'll most definitely encounter in NYC.
1. Guy writing poems in the subway station
What a lovely addition to all subway stations everywhere. I’m all about celebrating literature and art.
What better way than paying a guy to write a poem about a subject of your choosing right in front of you?
In literature we’re always talking about the unique, intense connection between reader and writer. That connection is even further amplified here by the fact that this guy writes a poem in front of you.
I’ve never given these guys my money nor asked for a poem, but next time I see one, I just might. I bet it’ll be lovely.
2. Showtime!
I always get excited when "Showtime!" comes to my subway car. Why wouldn’t I?
The music is bumping, on-beat, and always puts me in a better mood. I couldn’t ask for a better midday or evening jam sesh, especially when I’m exhausted and on my way home.
I’m flabbergasted when people get upset about these performers. I know what it’s like to be exhausted and pissed off by terrible musicians, or people who suck in general, but if I’m tired these guys energize me, and if I’m in a bad mood they cheer me up. So what's the problem again?
3. Guys selling candy on the subway
My boss saw one of these guys in Central Park wearing Gucci, just rockin' it.
I’m all about these guys. I’ve been super starving before, and had one of the fruit snacks guys morph out of thin air and offer me a bag of fruit snacks for a dollar. Which is a pretty chill price, certainly less than I’d spend at Rite-Aid or Duane Read.
What’s more, these guys don’t make you feel guilty or feel like an a**hole for not buying their candy. Rock on, candy-selling guys.
4. Really great performers
These people just make everyone’s day better by playing really amazing music, the kind that makes your soul reach for more, that transcends past the body into the realm of the heart.
I obviously love really great performers. Once, at 96th Street, I fell in love with a girl who was singing a cover of “Creep” by Radiohead. Yes, I know, that’s a weird song-- but the way she was hitting those high notes, letting them linger in the air, that was so gorgeous.
Her voice swirled about the subway station and into the atmosphere. I’m very depressed I haven't seen her again, but she definitely got some of my money... and heart.
5. Mediocre performers
Eh. I usually just keep my headphones in when I encounter a mediocre performer. And I don’t stop walking.
The music in my headphones is always very excellent, and basically sounds like the musical act is right in front of me, so I don’t need to stop and listen.
These people don’t annoy me though. I appreciate their effort, and I look forward to the day when they’re good enough to warrant my stopping and pausing the music in my headphones.
,6. Crazy instruments you never thought you'd see in person
The other day, I’m not bullsh*tting, I totally saw a complete Native American tribe in Grand Central playing all sorts of wind instruments and giant drums-- pretty much the sort of thing I never thought I’d see anywhere except a museum which would profess to have this sort of music.
Maybe seeing Native Americans playing music wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary, especially if Christopher Columbus wasn't such an a**hole.
Also, not lying, I saw someone playing a harp in the 51st Street subway station. Very exciting stuff-- they can have a dollar for providing me with an indispensable life experience.
7. Really terrible performers
Really though? Is it necessary for people who don’t know how to rap to scream rap for an hour on the subway?
You’re not just ruining my day either, you’re ruining the days of all sorts of exhausted, overworked people who are just trying to get home in peace.
Please don’t scream terrible rap in everyone’s ear, unless you actually know how to rap.
Also, please don’t get so angry when someone tells you to shut the fu*k up. Your nonconsensual attack on our senses is not appreciated.
8. Average homeless person
Seeing these people is pretty depressing-- especially if they say they’re a veteran or if they’re missing limbs. The debate on this is timeless.
What is our socio-political responsibility to these people? What is our government’s?
One guy, during his speech about how sad his life is and can we please help him (those speeches are so depressing, so guilt-inducing) announced that he did receive government aid, but that it was only $30 a month. I was like, “Whoa – I’ve spent that much on one dinner at the Meatball Shop.”
Then, you hear the announcer come on the subway and tell us that soliciting on the subway is illegal. I don’t know. I just don’t know, but I very rarely give them my money.
9. Indignant homeless person
Sorry, but shaking pennies in my face and telling me in a voice brimming with irritation that this is all the money you have really doesn't make me want to give you any money.
It actually just pisses me off. I’m not complaining to you about how much money I have. I don’t complain to anyone about that except my parents...
10. Homeless person with a small child
This is paradoxically the most infuriating solicitor while being the one most likely to acquire my small, small amount of money. If I have a five dollar bill, I will probably give this person a five dollar bill, which is definitely the largest amount of money I have ever given to a homeless person.
Why do I do it? I have some crazy, messed up idea that they’re actually going to use it to buy food or clothes for that child (which might be stretching it in this city, I know). I’m also going to be head-under-the-water depressed for the rest of the day because this professional brought a child with them to beg.
This one time, I saw a beggar with a baby on one train, and I obviously gave him money because I got depressed about it. Then I saw him, days later, counting twenties on completely different subway line.
That guy was absolutely a professional, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop giving beggars like him my money in the hopes they’ll spend it on food for that child.
If you enjoyed this article, check out the 10 Types of People You’ll Encounter While Riding the NYC Subway!