11 Things Guaranteed to Happen When You Live With a Gay Guy

Subscribe to spoiled NYC's official newsletter, The Stoop, for the best news, eats, drinks, places to go, and things to do.
ATTN: If you’re interested in learning more about our newest interactive food events, including ‘Make Pizza Drink Wine’, you can read more and purchase tickets HERE.


One of the best parts of big city life is meeting as many different kinds of people as possible. And, because bigger cities usually host gay communities more than the suburbs, it's very likely you'll have a gay roommate as you work your way towards living alone.

Sure, you could be a big ally and say that we're all the same, but there's a thing or two you could learn from us.

Listen up.


1. You’ll become very comfortable with near nudity

1livinggay

For the most part, we’re a bit more comfortable with our bodies than straight guys.

We’ve grown to reject conservative ideas of masculinity. Plus, it’s nice to flaunt some cute underwear.

So get ready to walk in on us watching TV or doing work on the couch in our briefs. Though, we won’t smell as bad as straight guys when we do this.



2. Your straight dating problems won’t be tolerated

2livinggay

If we even hear a peep of a complaint about dating troubles, we’ll shut you down. Straight people have access to at least 90% of the population. A population that knows how to date one another.

We don’t know what we’re doing. We’re in the process of defining relationships for ourselves, now that we’re being normalized more so than ever. But, still, we’re confused and there aren’t as many of us. Have many seats, please.


3. You’ll learn a new definition of “shower head”

3livinggay

Ahem. Well… I’m not sure this is something appropriate for describing bluntly, but we also wouldn’t encourage you to Google it either.

Let’s put it this way: when two men love each other (or meet on Grindr), things… happen. And for things to happen efficiently, certain parts of us need to be, for lack of a better description, “cleaned out.”

It can be gross, but, hey, we’ve got plenty to say about straight sex.


4. Your impending aging will feel even closer

4livinggay

Not to sound cocky or anything, but we’ve got a thing or two figured out over you, straight guys. Like our looks.

One just doesn’t naturally age gracefully. It takes work. Work that needs to start way before the crow’s feet set in or the skin starts to sag.

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with a little moisturizer or skin regimen. Especially if it keeps people interested, well past your 20s and 30s. Step it up, straight guys.


5. If you’re a girl, you’ll be continuously accused of dating him

5livinggay

Ah, yes. The never-ending awkwardness of having a gay roommate. For some reason, guys and girls can’t spend a lot of time together or even live with one another platonically. Any and all companionship between the genders must be romantic or nonexistent, according to society.

Well, perhaps we just get along despite being different genders. How ‘bout that, huh?


6. If you’re a guy, others will worry he’ll influence your sexuality

6livinggay

*sigh* Yeah, people still think like this.

Frankly, there’s no point in saying this to any guy because it’s just as insulting to the straight one as it is to the gay one.

It says the straight one is too weak and vulnerable to be secure in his sexuality. And if there’s one thing straight guys hate, it’s having their sexuality doubted. Luckily, this belief is dying out and those who still hold onto it are being excommunicated.

Advertisement