11 Tragic Signs Your NYC Apartment Truly Hates You

7. It’s above a fish market

[via Timmy Gunz/Flickr]

Mmm! An apartment filled with the stench of raw tuna is what we’ve always hoped for here in New York! The one thing better than that? A hot apartment filled with the stench of spoiled, raw tuna in the summer! It’s what keeps us here year after year despite everything else.

8. The heater sounds like a gas leak


--> -->Yes, we know they’re just doing their job and releasing pressure, but couldn’t they do it a little quieter? It’s annoying enough that they’re a huge eye sore in the corner of the bedroom, but they also have to sound like a snake in the middle of the night? WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!

9. No windows, no soul



All walls and no windows turn New Yorkers into mole people.

Sure, the rent might be low, but at what cost? Our sanity? Our biological chemical balance? Our complexion?

It might also be problem if you walk out into the light of day and feel the need to hiss at the sun.

10. The other creatures of which we do not speak


Antennae. Six legs. And the ability to squeeze through any nook and cranny.

This could only mean one thing. You get the hell out of there.

You leave and you don’t look back. Because where there’s one, there’s a million and you’ll be fighting to the death to get rid of them. Save yourself.

11. The walls ooze GREEN SLIME

Oh, wait, they always do that.

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