Let's face it, nothing makes a woman feel sexier than strutting her stuff on the streets of New York City in a pair of sky-high, 6 inch stilettos. But all of the ladies who live in this glorious city will also tell you that everyone has a special, love-hate relationship when it comes to their heels.
On one hand, heels may, in fact, be the greatest invention of all time.
They make your legs look ahh-mazing while also giving you some added height, and in a city crawling with runway models, those few extra inches can really do wonders for your confidence.
On the other hand, heels usually hurt like hell, and enduring a night of walking around in those bad boys can often be more painful than looking at your 7th grade yearbook.
No really, these things are so effin' excruciating that after a long night of prancing around the city's party scene, you usually end up doing some sort of awkward, old lady shuffle in an attempt to get yourself back to your apartment at 4 a.m. Not cute.
But in NYC, wearing heels when you go out at night is pretty much a necessity, because let's face it: you would never be caught dead wearing flats in the Meatpacking District after 11 p.m. Here are 9 stages all girls go through while wearing heels in NYC.
1. Getting ready
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After you finish your hair and makeup, you throw on a little black bandage dress and your six inch stilettos.
You stand in front of the mirror, inspect how heavenly those heels makes your legs look, and take a few full-length pics to send out on Snapchat. You're feeling great, you look hot, and you're ready to take on the night.
2. Catching a cab
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The first challenging task of the night comes along when you're trying to catch a cab to go pre-game at your friend's apartment.
At this time of night, everyone seems to be heading out for the evening, which can make finding an open cab somewhat rare (and who can afford those Uber surge prices of 3-4 times the norm, right?). Securing a cab at this time of the night-- with flats on-- is hard enough.
But try running around the streets in wobbly, six-inch heels and it becomes a huge pain in the ass-- and feet.
Not to mention, it's a lot easier to have your cab stolen when you can't move fast enough and you're pretty much tromping around the streets like a newborn giraffe.
3. Stairs
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You get to your friend's apartment, and realize she doesn't live in an elevator building. In fact, she lives in a walk-up, and her apartment is located all the way up on the 5th floor.
Getting up all those stairs in stilettos isn't the hard part. The problem is going back down. Things can get a little off-balance in those sky high shoes, and after taking a few shots, it's pretty easy to miss a step and plummet down several flights.
A staircase accident can put a serious damper on the vibe, so you're extra careful to hold onto that railing for dear life and say an extra prayer while you're at it, as you slowly descend down to the ground level.
4. Denial
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After you finally navigate your way through the treacherous cobblestone laden hell that this the Meatpacking District (without eating pavement or spraining an ankle), you get to the club.
All this walking is starting to take a toll on your feet, but the night has just begun, so you're pretty much in denial about your aching pads.
As you wait in line for 20 minutes, you can really start to feel the pressure building and you know that you either need to find a chair or a shot of vodka ASAP.
5. Dancing
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The club also presents an abundance of unique challenges when it comes to rockin' a killer pair of heels all night.
Among the obstacles, staircases are once again the most detrimental. Aside from that, people have spilled their vodka-crans all over the floor, and mixing wet floors with slippery high heels can be a disastrous combination. And that's not all.
As the night goes on, you slowly feel the onset of agony, as you break it down on the dance floor or balance those thin spikes on an unstable, upholster banquette.
No matter how many times Taylor Swift tells you to shake it off, you're not sure how much longer you can endure dancing in these shoes.
,6. Pain
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At some point, your feet will begin to hurt so bad, that not even alcohol can't even mask the unimaginable suffering you have subjected your feet to for the last 4 hours.
It feels as if someone has started a small bonfire at the bottom of your shoes, and the balls of your feet feel like they are melting.
At this point, you only have two options: ditch the dance floor and find somewhere to sit down for a few, or ditch the shoes. But ditching your killer heels and letting your bare skin touch the mysterious wasteland of germs, booze, and god-only-knows what else, is never a good look.
Seriously. If there is one thing you never want to be, it's a no-shoes Sally.
7. Agony
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At this point, dancing is out of the question. The pain is so overbearing that all you want to do find the nearest rooftop and throw your stupid stilettos over the side in a fit of rage.
You are seriously regretting the decision you made to go out wearing 6 inches of pure hell, rather than opting for those sensible wedges you considered while getting dressed.
You have come down with a severe case of resting b*tch face, as your question if your feet are bleeding, and vow to never forgive yourself for forgetting to stash that pair of foldable flats in your purse.
8. Going home
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The sheer agony of your heels finally becomes so severe that you cant take it anymore. It's time to go home.
As you woefully wobble out of the club in search of a cab, you become fearful that these bad boys may have done some serious damage. You might even start to wonder if you'll need to have an amputation from the ankles down.
You give yourself a little pep-talk in the cab before you do some sort of awkward, excruciating crawl to get yourself past the home stretch and finally into your apartment.
9. Sweet relief
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It's finally over. You kick off those bad boys and sweet, sweet relief washes over you.
There is literally no feeling in the entire world better than taking off those satan shoes after enduring an entire night of pain and torture.
You consider writing a letter to the attorney general, petitioning the ban of any horrific shoe with a heel greater than 3 inches, and order 3 slices of pizza on Seamless to console your sorrowful munchies.