14 Harsh Life Lessons Every Lesbian Learns Living in NYC

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Being a lesbian is great. I think the reason I'm a writer is because I'm a lesbian, because I was left alone inside my head for so long. I got to know myself really well.

I had this super intense internal monologue with myself, which may have catalyzed my self awareness. Maybe not. I do know, however, that the first like thirty times I got to kiss a girl, I felt like an astronaut who'd taken off in a rocket-ship and landed on Saturn. I was so sure, for so many years, that I'd never get to kiss a girl. So when I did kiss one, it was so amazing it's hard to even think about.

But of course, there are struggles to being a lesbian in New York City. Sometimes we fall in love super intensely and breakups feel like death, sometimes gay bars are expensive, sometimes we feel alienated over our sexuality, something in which we had no choice. At least we're not alone. So here they are: 14 harsh lessons every lesbian learns in NYC.

1. Straight girls sometimes don't like it when you hit on them

[via macrospace/tumblr]

Finding the boundary here is pretty hard. If you've been blessed with an accurate gaydar, you should count your lucky stars.

It's all about the vibes and the eye contact. Eye contact is huge. Going up to a straight girl and telling her she's pretty, though, is a bad move. I know this from some unfortunate experience. She'll probably raise her eyebrows and walk away. She'll probably whisper to her friends while stealing glances in your direction.

An encounter like this can ruin the rest of your night. Stop buzzing around her, stop thinking about it, don't purchase any alcohol for her. It's tempting to fall into despair about how much easier it'd be to pick up girls if you were a guy, (and it probably would be) but you should stop hitting on straight girls anyway. Hitting on straight girls is bad for your soul.

2. Sometimes straight girls will make out with you at bars...

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But they probably won't fall in love with you. They might even date you, but ultimately they'll break your heart. I'm sure a girl who once thought she was straight has married a lesbian, but I think that would require her forfeiting her status as straight girl, so... yeah. What I do know is that lots of girls in NYC are looking to experiment with girls.

A really pretty girl in NYC might make out with you and go on dates with you and even sleep in your bed with you, only to ultimately tell you she's super sorry but she's just ... straight. She'll promise it has nothing to do with you, but that doesn't make the fact that she's dumping you hurt any less.

You might feel depressed and despondent for several months. I promise that everything will be okay, though, and you'll get over her. And, you should probably stop dating straight girls. I say this to myself all the time too, and I've continued to date straight girls, so... easier said than done?

3. Girls with mohawks aren't always lesbians?

[via zestyfashion.com]

I know, I think it's weird too. It's my personal opinion that every girl with a mohawk should be a lesbian.

Some people will probably hurry to call me closed-minded and limiting to straight girls who want to sport this particular hairstyle as an expression of their personality, but a straight girl with a mohawk is a perplexing phenomenon. Us lesbians have enough trouble figuring out who it's okay to hit on, and when a straight girl has a mohawk, it just sends everything spiraling out of whack.

I'm harping so much on this particular example because I knew a straight girl with a mohawk, and she was one of the straight girls who got super offended that I hit on her, and it blew my mind.

Sometimes, people don't match up to their haircuts, and we just have to deal with it. There's lots of girls with lots of crazy haircuts in NYC. Using' hair to determine her sexuality is not an exact science in this city, much to my surprise.

4. Your friends only want to go to โ€œstraightโ€ bars

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Unless you're one of those lesbians who rolls with a crew of other lesbians, which is a fun way to live your life, we usually wind up in a social circle in which we're the minority.

If this is your situation, and you're deeply imbedded in a social circle of straight people, you'll have to deal with the fact that your friends usually don't want to go to gay bars with you on weekends. They want to go places where they'll get hit on by guys, where guys will buy their drinks, and where the possibility they'll go home with a hot guy exists.

It makes sense that your friends don't want to go to gay bars, and is not inconsiderate or homophobic, but when it comes to making time to go to the gay bar, you'll have to extricate yourself from your social circle and find a gay friend to go with you. Because everyone knows showing up to a bar alone is a bad look. And having another friend that's gay is great for situations like this, and others that will inevitably arise.

5. That girl you went on a few dates with isn't going to become your wife

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I'm sure breaking up is really hard for everyone, and not just lesbians, but I think it's especially hard for lesbians. Hear me out.

If you're a lesbian who spent a lot of closeted years thinking she'd never find love, if you lived for years in repression nursing a secret self loathing, if you basically convinced yourself you'd never fall in love, it's hard not to weep at the feet of every girl who wants to date you. It's hard not to be astounded every time you get to kiss a girl, purely because you spent so many years desperately yearning to. Because you spent so many years thinking it was about as likely that you'd get to kiss a girl as it was that you'd grow wings and fly.

So, break ups are tough, because we usually get hurled back into all our depressing fears that we'll be alone forever. It's up to us to orient our minds back to the positive, and to focus on the empowerment that comes with loving ourselves. I promise, you're gorgeous and perfect. That little fear in the back of your head whispering that you'll never fall in love again is wrong. Someday, you'll know this too.