Look, nobody’s perfect. We all have flaws. Maybe you’re a terrible cook, or you snore, or you always forget to water your plants.
For some, their flaw is being late. To everything. No matter what day of the week it is or time it starts, some people can never show up on time. Whether it’s a dinner reservation, a doctor’s appointment, or you know, their jobs.
New Yorkers have specific go-to excuses for being late to work that aren’t reasonable for people who live anywhere else.
Much like our ability to avoid eye contact, pack hundreds of people onto the subway, and carry a full week’s worth of groceries with our bare hands, New Yorkers have acquired a specific set of skills that come in handy when you get the office a little late.
Which of these tried and true explanations is your favorite excuse to use?
1. Subway delays
The classic excuse. And with the MTA, this is nearly always true for at least one train between at least one juncture. Problems arise if your coworkers take the same train and say, “Oh, the L was actually great this morning!”
2. Cab driver took the wrong route
You tried to take the fastest means of transportation possible, really, but your driver took the worst route, got stuck in morning traffic, and wouldn’t listen when you tried to explain the shortcut.
3. UberPool did a million pick-ups and drop-offs
You tried to conserve funds (subtle shade about your salary) by using a ride-sharing service, but your UberPool made more stops than a local train on a holiday weekend.
4. Accidentally locked your keys in your apartment
You don’t live in a suburban house with an electronic alarm system or a ground-floor window you can break into. You had to wait for your roommate to rush home from their own job so you could make it into yours.
5. Had to deal with a cockroach incident
You could not in good conscience leave your apartment knowing that thing was running around, but it kept escaping the rain boot you were yielding as a weapon.
6. Roommate wouldn’t get out of the shower
You pounded on the door, but they wouldn’t listen to you. They were too busy exfoliating, moisturizing, and pretending to know how to sing.
7. Had to wait for your super to fix something
You just didn’t feel comfortable leaving them alone in your apartment to attend to the water heater/heating vent/refrigerator.
8. Had to sign for an important package
It's not like you have a doorman, and you couldn’t get it delivered to the office due to its sensitive contents.
9. Doctor’s appointment in another borough
Only an insensitive asshole or a very socially unaware human asks follow up questions about doctor’s appointments.
10. Phone died overnight
Yes, this can happen in any city, but you can New York-ify your answer. It died because... you were busy trying to sneak Snapchats at a taping of Stephen Colbert, you had to stream music all night to cover up the sound of the couple across the hall fighting, you got lost in an outerborough and needed Google Maps open the whole time it took you to get home.
The options are endless.
11. Got stuck giving a tourist directions
This poor lost family needed you to show them their destination on a real map, then they needed help buying metro cards, then they needed help swiping their metro cards... you were just trying to be helpful!
12. Came all the way to the office but left your laptop at home
Being at work without a laptop isn’t very helpful. But you know how the morning commute is. Doubling back and re-doing it took a lot of time!
13. Emergency at your usual coffee cart
Just keep the emergency small. You don’t want anyone checking the news—or Twitter—for a large scale incident.[Feature Image Courtesy NYDailyNews]