#DaddyIssues: 10 Absolute Worst Fathers in History That We're So Glad Ain't Ours

Nothing makes you appreciate what you have until it's gone. Like, when the "n" key falls off your laptop. 

And nothing makes you appreciate your old man like parsing through a list of the world's worst dads, just in time for Father's Day. 

Because even though your dad might make terrible jokes and respond to your text messages with long-winded emails, at least he's not a dark lord on a mission to destroy the galaxy. (That you know of, that is.)

So this Father's Day, appreciate your dad not for what he is, but for what he is not.

If history/entertainment has proven anything, it's that there's a hell of a lot of kids out there way worse off than you when it comes to father figures.

Here's our roundup of the world's worst dads that we're glad are someone else's problem. 


1. Donald Trump

whinylittlebitch #dumptrump #trump #micropenis #incest #ivankatrump

This one comes at absolutely no surprise to anyone. 

Not only is Trump, as Chrissy Teigin eloquently phrases it, a "monumental a$$hole" and straight embarrassment to the country, he's also a super creepy father. 

[anad]

Case in point: his deeply unsettling comments about his daughter Ivanka that to this day make us shiver despite the 80% humidity. 

But then again, considering his personal belief system and chosen hairstyle, his comments should not come as a tremendous shock. 


2. Mitchum Huntzberger 

loganhuntzberger_ this scene killed me😭 #GilmoreGirls #MitchumHuntzberger #LoganHuntzberger #RoryGilmore


UGH. THIS GUY.

We have the following questions for Gilmore Girls' Mitchum: 1) How could you physically look Rory/Alexis Bledel in her sweet angelic moon face and tell her she won't make it as a journalist? Do you not have a soul?

2) You know that your son is going to be an a$$hole just like you are, right? Even if he doesn't go into the family business? You good, bro. Ease up.

3) Please refer to question 1 again while looking at yourself in the mirror and questioning your life choices/who you are as a human. 


3. Jack Torrence 

george.km I'm just a little bit tired.... #theshining #theshiningquotes #jacknicholson #jacknicholsonquotes #dannylloyd #jacktorrence #dannytorrence #bestactors #bestmovies #bestquotes


This dad from Kubrick's/Stephen King's The Shining takes a job in another town and you have to move away from your middle school friends? Temporarily sad, mildly inconvenient. 

Dad takes a job in a haunted hotel, goes batsh*t crazy, and tries to attack your mom with an axe? Pretty damn traumatizing! 

Also, you get extra awful points for being played by Jack Nicholson. 

Glad we ain't you, Danny. 


4. Dan Turner 

_thatmeanone #Repost @tamarabraun with @repostapp ・・・ RAPIST Brock Turner and his father Dan Turner who obviously condones his son's behavior. "20 minutes of action." There are consequences for actions!! Oh wait a minute, not if you are a privileged white man in America!! My heart and support are with the victim and that's the WOMAN who he raped. Unfortunately, #DanTurner thinks his son is somehow the victim. Apparently so does judge Persky. #judgepersky is just as much a criminal in my eyes as #BrockTurner is. #Disgusting. #criminal #rapist #terriblefather #corruption #removejudgepersky #whiteprivilege


Sure, we want our parents to be on our side when we mess up, BUT THERE ARE LIMITS. Raping an unconscious woman is just one of those limits. 

[anad2]

No, Mr. Turner, boys will not be boys. Boys will be assholes, and it's your job to keep them in line. #boybye


5. Darth Vader 

jodhimeares Happy star wars day #maythe4thbewithyou #daddydarth #lukeiamyourfather πŸ’€


Yeah, he's a Sith Lord attempting to destroy the galaxy, but also, family game night is HELLA UNPLEASANT. 

Come on, dude. Just because you're down 40 points in Scrabble doesn't mean you can force choke Mom.

,

6. Lou Smith 

nofun.nofun Ouch :( #sad #willsmith #freshprinceofbelair


PHILIP BANKS, YOU DA REAL MVP. 

Bless you for cleaning up the mess of Will Smith's deadbeat dad in the 90s seminal classic and go-to sick day show of choice, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

[anad]

Excuse us, we'll just be over here sobbing forever at the classic scene in which Will breaks down in Uncle Phil's arms as he attempts to process his father's abandonment. #TOOREAL


7. Jon Gosselin

bringmemythingsfarmboy where do you where do you go, my lovely #jongosselin #2016 #imwithher


Sigh... Hollywood poaches yet another normal human. 

Jon and Kate Plus 8 was a completely adorable show at the beginning, but it didn't take long for the spotlight to go right to old Jonny's overly-tanned head and f*ck everything up. 

Maybe all 8 kids can get a group rate on therapy? 


8. Mr. Wormwood 

kimberlycalifornia Feet up, flippin through channels ... SCORE. #mrwormwood #frankreynolds #childhoodfavorites #stillmyfavorite


We all know that parents have a favorite kid, but dude didn't have to be so damn obvious about it. Sheesh. 

Matilda's dad also signed her away to her teacher's custody via papers she "found in a book" (totally legit), without really much hesitation at all. #fatheroftheyear.


9. Lucius Malfoy 

grungeybabes Lucius Malfoy uses L'OREAL to keep his long luscious hair that extra special color, and dont forget about that gloss and shine. // #luciusmalfoy #hairgoals #loreal #longlusciouslocks #queenofthecastle #harrypotter #gottalovethemalfoys #jasonisaacs #deathlyhallows #voldemort #bellatrixlestrange #ismywife #helenabonhamcarter #danielradcliffe #jkrowling #emmawatson #tomfelton #rupertgrint holy shit, that's a lotta feckin hashtags wtf


Maybe your dad's job title is somewhat embarrassing, or wildly unimpressive. But we''d take "Account Analyst" over "Death Eater" any day. 

[anad2]

Sure it's glamorous, and the capes are fun, but we'd prefer if our dad wasn't actively trying to murder our peers. 


10. Oedipus 

getn2greazy4u #oedipusrex #mothersday #trex #greece #mom #inked #oedipus #dinosaur #athens #humor #mythology #king #g2g4u


You thought YOUR family reunions were awkward. 

Sure, Oedipus had no idea that he was royally f*cking up his entire family tree, but dang, his poor kids. How are they going to explain it to their classmates when their mom shows up to school for both Parent's Day AND Grandparent's Day???

Not to mention the slew of genetic diseases they likely have. (Third arm, anyone?) 

We'll pass on Oedipus as a dad, please and thank you. 

Check out Best Gifts You Can Get Your Dad This Father's Day. 

[Feature Image Courtesy HollywoodLife.com] 

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