Today we're celebrating the 25th anniversary of the classic children's movie: Hook.
Feeling old, right?
Thinking back on it, Hook is a cute children's movie in which Peter Pan returns to Neverland, reunites with the Lost Boys, and saves his children.
Watching Hook as an adult is a different story.
Things we never noticed before, like the amount of violence and just total absurdities, have come back to haunt us 20 years later.
Not that that'll stop us from watching it again.
But here's some of the rather frightening things in the movie you probably didn't notice when you were a kid.
1. Tinkerbell capturing Peter "Banning"
What is scarier than a fairy talking to a grown man? A fairy capturing a grown man. Robin Williams portrays utter terror as Tinkerbell flutters around the room like an absurdly overgrown firefly.
And then when he says “I don’t believe in fairies!" she lets him believe he killed her.
But no biggie, she lives to scare another day.
2. The old man who literally loses his marbles
The crazy and senile “uncle” ― who is actually Tootles, the lost boy who came to live with Wendy way back when ― literally loses his marbles and crawls around the house trying to find them. Imagine living with that as a kid.
3. The nanny’s terror at the kids’ disappearance
The sheer horror in this woman’s voice as she yells “THE CHILDREN WERE SCREAMING!” is enough to put generations of viewers into absolute panic.
Maybe as kids we chuckled at this, but GOOD GOD THAT'S TERRIFYING AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS YET.
4. Little children with swords
As we get to Neverland, Pan is attacked by a group of people with swords. I’m sorry, did I say people? Yeah, it's not people. It's 8-11 year olds children waving around swords.
Which is totally normal in Neverland and 100% a cause of concern for our older selves. How did nobody have a problem with that?!
5. Rufio’s a total savage
Rufio has become the sort of deputy Peter Pan in the real Pan’s absence, and when the real Pan shows up he jumps to defense.
He doesn’t believe Tinkerbell when she tells the lost boys that their original leader has returned, and might as well be beating his chest like a gorilla at a terrified adult Pan.
As a kid, we're like, "Yeah! Suck it, grown up!" As adults, we see these kids on the train every day and we're terrified.
6. Imaginary food
The fact that these children had to imagine that they were eating food, as we see all too clearly from Robin William’s eyes, begs the question, "So, do these kids eat anything at all? Ever?"
Are they just always imagining up their meals and actually slowly starving to death? And why didn’t this bother us when we were kids? They then proceed to have a food fight with said imaginary food which we then have to wonder if it's a waste or not.
8. Rufio’s tragic death
It happened so fast. Dope sword fighting, Rufio gets disarmed with his chest out, and then boom-bap, Captain Hook's stabbed him through the chest.
“I wish I had a dad… like you." And then he dies. Seeing Pan’s son crying at that is definitely the most tragic scene of the film, and it f*cked us up for life.
Note to self: wooden armor isn't very effective when battling pirates.
9. Um, the scorpion chest.
Can we take a moment to remember Hook's "Boo Box?"
Remember when he's fishing for doubters in the crew, picks the pirate standing right next to the disguised Pan, and throws him into a trunk where another pirate drops a few live scorpions in there with him?
Of course you do. It's terrifying.
Whether it's flashing the chrome hand, nearly committing suicide in the bathtub, getting his wig knocked off in the final battle, the crocodile clock that eats him, or waging psychological warfare on Pan's kids through baseball, smashing clocks, and other devices, Dustin Hoffman's Hook was legit.
Best childhood villain of the 90s? Maybe. He's definitely up there with Scar.[Feature Image Courtesy Hollywood.com]