New York City is a dope place to party. However, only few can handle the rage every night of the week.
Sometimes you just need time for yourself, some Netflix, and a bottle of wine or whiskey.
Whether you're just feeling under the weather, have to do a mound of laundry, or want to release your inner-introvert, we've got an excuse handy for you.
We can't promise that your friend will swallow these excuses, but they'll certainly help start a snowball effect that will land you right where you want to be: in sweats, burrito'd in a blanket, munching on a pizza while watching Girls.
Here are some of the best excuses New Yorkers make for not going out:
1. "I already took off my bra/pants"
You just get home from work. Your friends say they're just going to take it easy tonight, so you walk into your apartment and instantly take off your bra or pants. Then said traitor friends say that their plans have changed, and they'll meet you at the bar in 15.
[anad]
Uh, you already took off your bra/pants. Everyone knows the first rule of comfort is that as soon as the bra/pants come off, they don't go back on for anything except a zombie apocalypse, and even then it's a debatable decision.
2. "It's too cold"
Listen, walking in the cold sucks, but when you're dolled up in an LBD with a little leather jacket and heels, walking through the cold is unbearable.
Unless someone follows you around with a space heater from bar to bar to cab to home, there's no way you'll make it through the night without contracting pneumonia. #hardpass
3. "I'd have to take a bus/train/ferry"
Unless you've been living elsewhere (cough, transplants, cough), you'll know that NYC is actually five different boroughs, and does not merely refer to Manhattan.
Anyone who has ever lived in NYC knows that getting to a bar in another borough just to meet friends, drink copious amounts of alcohol, before drunkenly attempting to get home is an expensive uber waiting to happen.
The party's in Staten Island? Hahaha, ya okay, see ya never!
4. "My dog missed me"
If you don't have a dog, you cannot comprehend the level of love and devotion one living being can have for another. However, when you are met with a wet nose and waggling little fluff ball after your workday, you have no intentions of leaving them again.
[anad2]
Cat people just don't get it, but dog people-- we're the type of people that would totally take cuddles and slobbery kisses rather than overpriced shots and underwhelming company any day of the week.
5. "I'm broke"
New York City is expensive. Have you ever gotten drunk in New York City? Let's just paint this picture: you wake up, hungover, and immediately reach for your wallet to make sure that your ID made it home with you last night.
Lo and behold, you've got no cash left, so you instantly check your bank account to take stock of the damage, then declare that you're never drinking again, or if you do, it'll be Busch beer from the corner of your now unaffordable apartment.
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6. "I have to work tomorrow"
Some of us have jobs where we can make it through the day hungover, and some of us cannot. This is always an excellent excuse for New Yorkers because we understand the hustle. Sure, most nights we'll peer pressure you and tell you to "work hard, play hard," but you gotta respect the paycheck.
[anad]
Plus, we live in a city where a lot of people do work on the weekends. So even though you may be using it to get out of carrying your drunk mess of a friend to the uber, it could actually be a legitimate reason for skipping the party.
7. "I have no swipes left on my MetroCard"
In a city plagued by people standing by turnstiles asking for swipes, you quickly learn to ignore those people. You know that when you're four margaritas deep with a broken heel and smeared makeup, you're going to be said hated person, just worse, because you're sloppy drunk.
Plus, when you're forced to spend $14 a cocktail at that bougie craft bar your trust fund baby friend chose as your pre-game bar, you're not going to have any money left for swipes, let alone an uber or cab.
8. "Netflix just released new seasons/shows/movies"
Okay, so a friend that asks you to go out on a night Netflix debuted new shows and movies is not a true friend. To be honest, your friends shouldn't even have to ask why you're not going out, because they'll probably be doing the same thing you're doing.
[anad2]
So break out the popcorn, fluff your pillows, and grab the wine, because you're in for a drunk Netflix and chill night, but heavy on the Netflix.
9. "I'm on antibiotics"
This should be self-explanatory, but you really shouldn't combine drinking with antibiotics. It's a pretty sure bet that your friends will acknowledge and respect your responsible decisions to let the medicines run their course.
Then again, they'll also expect you to be going out hardcore when you're finally off the drugs... in which case, none of these excuses will help you skip the bars. Good luck, friend.