Here's a shocking fact: New Yorkers love to party.
The only slight problem? It's winter, and it's cold outside. The solution? Easy. Throwing a party in our apartments. With help from the geniuses over at Minibar. Obviously.
You only need a tiny excuse to throw a party in your apartment. Which, when it's cold as hell outside, you don't need much.
Sure, there are birthdays. Sure, you could even go as far as celebrating being single on Valentine's Day, but in all honesty, New Yorkers are much more inclined to throw down simply because... it's the weekend.
Of course, if you need a "legitimate" excuse for a party, you're probably looking at next weekend: Super Bowl Sunday.
Of course, if you need a "legitimate" excuse for a party, you're probably looking at next weekend: Super Bowl Sunday.
Regardless of the occasion, now you're having a party. And it's all downhill from here.
From reimagining the entire layout of your apartment, to simply inviting people who shouldn't even need a good excuse to get down, to eventually kicking those people out of your apartment, the party process is a real struggle.
Read on. These are the 8 stages and struggles of throwing a party in your tiny New York City apartment.
1. Buying alcohol
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We mean, what's a party without alcohol? Sure, your first thought is to head down to the liquor store, peruse the aisles long enough so the owner doesn't think you're super sketchy, and pick up bottles, examining them like you're a connoisseur with especially refined tastes.
Luckily, there's Minibar, and that means you don't have to put on your coat and shoes, and head into the arctic tundra of NYC winter.
Instead, you can tap a couple of times on your phone, and choose your wine, beer, or liquor from a liquor store near you. Then, you relax on the couch, knowing your alcohol will come within the hour.
Oh, and there's no sweating a delivery charge either. As long as you're getting more than $25 of alcohol (which, how can you not if you're throwing a party?), then you're golden.
Of course, the alcohol comes pretty fast, so you do a little solo pre-gaming before the party.
It's okay. There's no shame in it. We all do it.
2. Setting up
This is the part where you dump ice and beers into your empty trashcan, hang trash bags around your apartment, and move your expensive glass coffee table into your bedroom. That's the most important part: relocate any and all potentially breakable things from the party zone.
You mop your floors. Why not? You know they'll be completely dirty and sticky by the end of the night, but you want your guests to think not only do you live like a rockstar every day (which, let's be real, you do), but one with civility, manners, and an abiding love for a clean home.
Minibar helped you stock up on more drinks (and there's more on deck in the fridge), set out chips, dips, cups, chasers, take a shot (with your roommate, of course), and try to psyche yourself mentally for an insane night.
Oh, dirty clothes everywhere in your room? Nobody's got time for that. You kick them under your bed. Nobody's going under there.
3. Greeting guests
Finally, your friends start coming. Of course, your most eager guest arrives first, but you thought of this predicament and asked your favorite pal to come early. They're running late (not entirely surprising), but you hear the clink of a shot glass. There's that roommate taking another solo shot in the kitchen.
But, three's company. Time for a group shot. Nobody's counting drinks here, but you're definitely going to remember that stealth solo shot your roommate took later in the night.
This seemingly awkward soiree doesn't last too long, even with that overeager, first guest there. Soon enough your whole crew starts rolling in. You plug in your iPod to your speakers and start blasting the bomb playlist you made this afternoon.
Before long, you're screaming lyrics, using tortilla chips to chase shots, and trying to avoid your one friend who takes way too many Facebook pictures.
4. Playing games
Who cares about the floors you mopped earlier? You do, but flip cup is too much fun to even worry about it. Because you're excellent at flip cup.
Playing a game two nights a week, every week, for four years in college helps you get good at it. Your GPA is a solid testament to that. Should have put that on your resumé. Kidding. Never. Put. Drinking. On. Your. Resumé.
After you've emerged from flip cup victorious, lost three games of beer pong, and gotten yourself way too involved in a card game you don't entirely understand, the room is spinning.
Still, you bought Cards Against Humanity and Jenga specifically for this party. There's no way these games get played without booze involved. We believe in you.
5. Insanity
This is both an inevitability and a struggle. You know this all too well: the part where you climb to the roof and set off your building's alarm, where you smoke a cigarette even though you took a blood oath to never smoke again, and where you make out with someone you really shouldn't make out with.
Some of this you won't remember tomorrow. Good. Your neighbors will, your lungs will, and you'll probably wake up to a text from that make-out buddy either asking for another pass or pushing some distance into your future interactions.
Power through. Like all things, this, too, shall pass. Even when you mistakenly (or intentionally) take a puff of something besides tobacco; when you yell at someone's boyfriend or your roommate-- even when everybody learns that you spent so long mopping the now beer-soaked floor before the party.
It's insanity. But it's okay. Sure, that roommate who dared to take an extra solo shot earlier is in the bathroom puking. Between laughs and burps they apologize, and you respond with something like, "It wouldn't be a party if someone wasn't puking!" but you really hope they actually made it there in time.
6. More insanity
The only way to get out of this sudden earthquake of negativity is to crank it up a notch or two. Yes, this is the only time it makes sense to fight fire with fire. You don't want to call it a night early. That's bush league. Time for another round.
Blast your music, jump up and down, and scream out songs like your life depends on it. Kudos to you if the music is for the 90s kids, but chances are good that the playlist you made is long gone. Good. That means it's time to cede some control over the party. Music is a good place to start.
The alcohol you drank is in its full-blast, euphoric stage. "I've never felt this happy in my life," you think, ignoring the impending apocalyptic hangover. Of course, a word of warning to all you would-be party monsters: these two stages can alternate at any time in the night, without warning, seamlessly.
You could go through the anger of spilled beer, bumming another cigarette from your smoker friend, illicit drugs, and that make out mix-up before, after, or during this euphoria. It's an inevitability and a struggle.
Worse than the seemingly delicate balance of your party's vibe is this crucial realization: you're dangerously close to running out of alcohol. Time to get more.
7. Ordering more alcohol
Getting more has never been easier.
Gone are the days when you have to leave your party and walk to the Duane Reade across the street and buy more beer. Of course, you might have forgotten this initially. You're a few too brews deep to remember right away.
But lucky you, you do remember Minibar, that amazing app that initially supplied the party with beer, wine, and liquor in the first place.
Now the party can have a whole new case of beer, as well as bottles of vodka, whiskey, and tequila in a couple of taps on the phone without having to step a single foot out of the apartment.
8. The aftermath
The alcohol is restocked, but you didn't need to actually double down on the previous order because the party's winding down. Brave soldiers are turning to water to combat the headaches of the coming morning. The music is lower. Beers are no longer pounded, they are savored.
The party winds down, the drunkest among you clamber into Ubers, and the remaining few clamber onto the couches. This is the spill-the-beans part of the night. Secrets come out, backstories fill out the plot lines of your friendships, and real conversations-- though unlikely to ever be recalled --begin.
Nobody cares about the floors. You'll surely mop them again.
Before the days of delivery alcohol, you and your friends would have had to go to a bar to keep the party going at 2 a.m. However, now, in the days of the future, you get to stay in the comfort of your apartment to continue the night.
Your apartment is a mess, and you're going to be way too hungover tomorrow, but such is the party thrown for no reason at all in NYC.
Check out 8 Winter Struggles of Going Out at Night in NYC.
[Feature Image Courtesy Vivienne Gucwa] [Feature Image Courtesy New York Social Diary]